East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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