I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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