Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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