Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
