So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
