You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
