i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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