You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I cut my penus on the lid.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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