is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
