he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
