I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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