So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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