I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
