I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
