remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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