you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
