So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
