she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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