don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
