Already got asked if we're dating
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
