i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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