My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
