Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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