He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
should my penis look like a turkey
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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