I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
