I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
