i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
