so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
