Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
