I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
