Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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