i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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