I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
