i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
