The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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