i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
