from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
