im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
