oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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