I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
