i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
