How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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