I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
