Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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