I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
