Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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