what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
