That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.