Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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