new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.