Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

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  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (13425) Bad night (1862)
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  (805): View more from California

  woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

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  (805): woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream." http://tfl.nu/w9nn
  Replies (11) Good night (4550) Bad night (1039)
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  (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
  Replies (30) Good night (2157) Bad night (10176)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.

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  (770): I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted. http://tfl.nu/ar9e
  Replies (7) Good night (806) Bad night (4147)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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  (513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm
  Replies (96) Good night (13484) Bad night (2430)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

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  (913): he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness. http://tfl.nu/hbrf
  Replies (10) Good night (1104) Bad night (4739)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

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  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (7404) Bad night (1090)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Found a pint glass in my snow pants.

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  (810): Found a pint glass in my snow pants. http://tfl.nu/1iqt
  Replies (7) Good night (3144) Bad night (843)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

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  (205): I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that. http://tfl.nu/zu4z
  Replies (9) Good night (1155) Bad night (2444)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

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  (973): I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/cbpu
  Replies (8) Good night (6853) Bad night (1038)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides

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  (617): I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides http://tfl.nu/z2rz
  Replies (2) Good night (1818) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.

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  (410): There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this. http://tfl.nu/4z9s
  Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.

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  (406): My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college. http://tfl.nu/7goj
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (359)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic

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  (540): that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic http://tfl.nu/gwhk
  Replies (2) Good night (692) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache

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  (773): He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache http://tfl.nu/46b1
  Replies (12) Good night (177) Bad night (1349)

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