This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.