They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
