So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
