So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
