it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
