My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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