just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
