Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
