Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
