One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
