I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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