As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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