I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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