Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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