DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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