We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
