Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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