I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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