Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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