i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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